The Curious Incident Of The Aspie In The Lockdown #001
The whole point of this blog series is to document how being in the lockdown which the UK is currently in is affecting me as an autistic person with hidden disabilities. I'm trying to be as honest with what I'm facing, even if it is hard for me but it's to try and help me. If it helps shed a light on the struggles I face, use this to help other aspies in you network.
I am a very sociable person who likes to be out and about doing stuff all the time. This lockdown is a real struggle for me when your being forced to be confined to your own four walls. It's taking its toll.
Firstly, the biggest thing I've spotted is that it's taken its toll on my mental health.
I know it's taken its toll on my mental health as my self care is out the window atm. My room is a tip, I haven't had a shower or wash in days, my sleep is affected, I'm not eating properly, my angsiety levels keep going through the roof, I don't have the energy to do stuff I want to do. I can feel myself going down in a downward spiral.
Let's break that last paragraph down and explain what I mean by each:
"My room is a tip"
I have piles of washing to put away, stuff just dumped all round the floor, dirty plates and cups that need washing and clothes that need to be washed.
"I haven't had a shower or wash in days"
I haven't had the motivation or need to have a shower, as this has fallen out of routine for me. This obviously means that my personal hygiene needs to be taken care of.
"my sleep is affected"
I will go to bed about 10pm, spend a couple of hours watching stuff on my phone, wake up, be moving about for a couple of hours, then fall back asleep for a couple of hours.
"I'm not eating properly"
To clarify, I am eating. But I am often forgetting that I haven't had breakfast, or lunch, or dinner, then wondering why I feel hungry and craving food. I am also not making nice dinners like I want to, I'm resorting to easy options such as a frozen pizza or a bowl of cous cous.
"my angsiety levels keep going through the roof"
This whole social distancing when out and about is a struggle. I am over hyper aware of the distance I am when I am out and about and panicking when people are getting too close to me in the little Sainsbury's at the end of my street.
"I don't have the energy to do stuff I want to do"
I am finding myself just sat staring into space feeling lost. This could be 5 minutes or hours with no energy to get on and do stuff that I want to do.
"I can feel myself going down in a downward spiral"
I've been in this situation in a lot worser situation before, and this was out of the lockdown. I want to try and avoid it as much as I can right now.
Secondly, it is unnerving me. I don't know if, when I go to a shop, they have what I want in. It is also making me more hyper aware. I'm waiting for a delivery from the local market of some food shopping, which delever is between 1-5 days. I appreciate that they are rediculously busy but having such a wide time frame when someone like me likes to know what I am doing at any point in time and I'm constantly on edge waiting for a knock on the door as I don't want to miss the delivery.
But after all that negativity, I have some hope. I've started doing radio again, to give me something to focus on. I am not paying much attention to the news on purpose to try and avoid sending my brain into overdrive. (I am paying attention to the government briefings tho) I have a plan to kick me out of that dreaded spiral by utilising an app to tell me to do stuff each day. I hope it works.
Stay tuned for future updates.